Kiss the marketing knuckle

Senior citizen Gene Simmons and the undeniably closeted Paul Stanley have, contrary to common decency, decided to bestow upon the public a new reason for cross-dressing and hide their shriveled faces behind scary paint. That reason is spelled out Sonic Boom and comprises eleven turds packaged in a retro-fashion manner so that retarded collectors can gasp ”It’s a must-have”.

Now if they could settle for sitting in the champagne hot tub, laughing at this apparant in-joke by themselves I wouldn’t be so upset. Hell, I wouldn’t care, I probably would not even take notice!

However, as the parodical theater they’ve become, they managed to succesfully pitch the idea of re-recording a bunch of their classic tunes for an accompanying cd. RE-RECORDING? OLD CLASSICS? For every chick Mr Simmons have fucked he must have lost a billion brain cells (and there probably weren’t many to start with) because this is just a Detroit Rock ATROCity! Journey pulled the same thing a while back ago with their new singer and though he perfectly mimiced every syllable and vocal pitch it just was very, very terrible idea. People are blissfully content with blasting the originals while having unprotected sex in the backseat of their Camaro so why bother wasting the time and energy?

Cashing in has never been a problem with KISS as is mind-numbingly apparant when you take the time to browse through their online store. A store which, and I couldn’t make up this even if I wanted, has categories called ”home decor” and ”glassware”! Hiding away somewhere on the page, behind all the junk and paraphenalia, you could find music but you had to sift through tons of limited yet inane memorabilia like ”Destroyer Wine” and ”KISS Iphone”.

Remember when music mattered? Well, if you do, you’re old and outdated. Welcome to a not-so-new-yet-very-disturbing-world!

/Born Springsteen


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